he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
