life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
