How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
