I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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