He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
