Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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