There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
