Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize