Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
