can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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