It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
