Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
