after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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