Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
