My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
