end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
