I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
