didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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