bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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