Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
