FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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