Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
