I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
