I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
