things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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