I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
