If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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