i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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