she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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