I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
