Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
