so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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