Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
