she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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