would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
farters have to be the big spoon...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
