new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
