By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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