You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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