i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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