Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We have started to decorate penises.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
