I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
