When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
