Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
