You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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