Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
