feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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