woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize