I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
