We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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