At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize