Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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