Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize