I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
