4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
