I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
