Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
