the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
