I puked a lego.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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