I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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