All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
