oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm like, not good at living.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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