we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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