I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
