apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
