Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
