based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
