For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
