Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.