i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough