I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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