Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away

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(707): View more from California

You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Are we still banned from the library?

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(256): View more from Alabama

I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.

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(949): View more from California

I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough

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