Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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