She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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