So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.