Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
