Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
