I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
