She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
