My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
