Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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