id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont even know how to be here
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
