I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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