i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
