Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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