i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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