You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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