sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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