Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
