Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
